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Ponderings #1

There are people in this world who try to bring you down and you can't cut any or all ties with them. What do you do then?

Right now I am going off topic because, just because. I have started treating my blog as my personal diary it seems. I don't know if anyone reads it, I don't know whether my voice is heard, that is not the point. The point is I am speaking. And that is enough for me. It has to be. Spending so much time worrying about what people might think kills me little by little from inside. I can't completely stop caring, some part of me will always care. It's human nature. I want to please everyone and want them to like me. But that's impossible . Someone will always hate me, or be jealous or try to bring me down. It is like sliding up a slope, go a little higher and slide back down. Realisation comes, sooner rather than later. My aim in life isn't to please anyone but me and that is what's going to keep me happy. Isn't that the greatest achievement - being happy. Happiness, according to me is the key to everything. The world maybe crashing down all around me but I am going to be happy. If I am to believe Rhonda Bryne you attract all that happens to you.
The thing with being happy is it confuses the hell out of people especially your enemies. They don't get it. And I love it. Even the caption of my current dp is "The best part about smiling is, it makes your enemies frown harder." And I believe it. I make my own little bubble and live in it, just ensure it doesn't make me delusional. The more I try to observe people, more similar they become. There are patterns that are so easy to spot and there are so many. Observe someone for two minutes and you get to know so much. No one can always wear a mask and even masks can be decoded. See a person's eyes and you see their soul. Smile could be a mile long but sadness lurks in the eyes. Sadness, fear, boredom, arrogance every emotion.
I strive each day to stop caring. I doubt there would come a day when I will be able to honestly say - I Don't Care. It's not my choice you see, I just can't help it and I reprimand myself for it daily. I don't like wasting hours going over what someone said and what I should have replied and what I actually did say and how stupid it sounded. Uurgh! I hate it! Then I hate myself more for caring. And maybe it just makes me human but I don't care! Now here I don't care and there I do and it's just too much. I can't take it anymore and I am two seconds away from losing my shit and all I really want is to NOT CARE! I don't want to care! Is that so hard? Huh Brain? No answer.
Well, I will continue living my very caring and  normal life since I obviously can't become a Vampire and switch off my humanity (Vampire Diaries reference ). Stop caring stupid brain, you are the only one that does.
So long peeps...
Pearl

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