That Coffee Girl

What nobody told us  it never gets better it only gets older sometimes duller.  It stays with you like that ache that you are used to one that doesn't hurt anymore just exists. One fine day you woke up  not the same, an ache where there was none now a part of you follows you where you go grows as you grow older.

Today was spectacularly beautiful. I gave the last of my term 2 exams yesterday. With a couple of assignments to go, I am officially done with 20% of my MBA. Time seems to be a blur. I don't know when one day ends and the next one begins. We are still in the pandemic of COVID and the hours I spend alone in my room with my laptop are copious and probably self-destructive but cannot be helped. The excitement of MBA seems to be dulling, workload increasing along with self-doubt.  A necessary side-effect of being surrounded by overachievers is being constantly overwhelmed. Initially exciting like a shot of dopamine but over time the effect wears off and it turns out, your strain of dopamine is no longer manufactured. But not to worry. Excitement is right around the corner, you see. We may be headed to campus soon. I won't say I hope so, because hoping for anything currently is like setting yourself up for heartbreak. When you say it can't get worse, it actually does. Looks like...

Do you know who I am? You know my name Can you see beyond my face? You have heard of me, Based your judgement on kiss and tell.  I don't know you, you see I don't even know your name.  Is that why you are jealous? It's rightfully mine, that fame.  Is it something you want? For I can trade... A kiss for a kiss Fame for a friend.                                                                 -PS

Children near trashcans jumping in joy, You see them playing, Do you see the hunger in their eyes? A woman on the street Walking fast at night, Was she out partying or working How is either of the two an invite? There is fear in every corner Suppression in shadows Filth on the road, Careless storms behind closed doors. Not for you though, You only saw what you wanted to see - The world as it should be. - PS

Most of the time we lose perspective, or at least that's my perspective. Call it recency bias or something else, I am sure towards the year end what I would be feeling would be a lot different thn where I am now. So, here I am, documenting my ISB journey that has already begun at home.  MBA online?  - I did not sign up for this.  Is it any good? - Absolutely not.  Let's not kid ourselves into thinking that just because it is online and we are home, the task is easier for us. It clearly isn't. Imagine logging onto zoom 24 hours a day. Imagine your interaction being limited to zoom calls. Imagine a 16 hour screen time. (My laptop is new but I swear to god I feel like throwing it atleast 3 times a day!) We have one class a day, and if you think about it, that isn't too bad. But add to that 3 pre-reads, 2 pre-class videos, a quiz, 2 assignments and exams every 2 weeks. Effectively you get a weekend after every 12 days.  I have one word - Drainin...

What was that feeling I felt when I was young, That moment I returned from school Eating food watching cartoons? What was that I felt the first day of summer vacations; Planning the endless long days filled with friends and games? Even though it's long gone,  Traces still linger... They surfaced when I got my acceptance and when I put in my resignation. If I had to tell you what I felt, I could sum it up in a word. The word is joy and the feeling is surreal.  About this poem: I got my acceptance to b-school. This is somewhat a throwback to November'19 when I finally got the news. It was this feeling, like being on the top of the world, like nothing could bring me down. That feeling, that moment, that's is what I want to hold on to. I think in the past few years, joy became something unapproachable. That childlike feeling on a summer day with rasna and Maggi, happiness became something to plan and work towards. I could ch...

Hello people, how have you been? A little bit lonely or sometimes bored or just losing your mind like me? I see you. Even you, the ones crippled by fear, unable to leave their beds. I get you. So, COVID-19 happened and, turns out life is NOT as we know it. Everything changed and the all we can do is cope up. I keep seeing so many posts and blogs telling people that it is okay to be unproductive. There is a pandemic happening. There doesn't essentially have to be a bright side to it. I agree with them, somewhat. It's more of a "you do you" situation. Let me tell you a bit about myself. I graduated from college in May 2016, and within a week I started my new job. It's been about 4 years and I have never been free. I moved from one job to the other, there was even a time when I gave myself a break for 2 months, but only on paper. In reality, that break had me preparing for an exam and interviewing for my next job. So no free time, ever. But this time, it's...

How much are you willing to pay for something that was once considered sacred? What is the price? A topic like no other. A book about surrogacy, about power, class and caste. A book about the server and the master. Till what length will you go for money? Will you go all the way? These questions are what this book highlights. The Farm, aptly titled is a place of paradise, with every amenity, all comforts taken care of for you. The only catch, you are pregnant and the baby is not yours. You would simply brush it off as a book about surrogacy, I would say, wait, read the title again. What does it say? The Farm. It is a farm, or more like a ranch except the babies here are human. Pregnant women, referred to as hosts throughout the book, sign away 9 months of their life to be constantly monitored in a comfortable facility designed with all possible luxuries to deliver the perfect kid for their high-profile clients. A lot of times, these hosts don't even know whose baby t...

You know it is a good book when it ends up schooling you. I am too old to read high school drama anymore but seeing people rave about Simon vs The Homosapiens Agenda and Leah On The Offbeat, I finally gave LOTO a try. And boy am I glad. Initially sceptical, because the writing style is aimed at teenagers, the first few chapters were a bit difficult to get through. I found the language exceedingly plain, it was overall too kiddish.  It was when the characters developed in the next few chapters, that I was hooked. I have yet to read such great character development in a high school book.  Let's start off with Leah. She is your average protagonist -  angry at the world, a broken family, overthinking things, overweight, smart, the only difference, she isn't lonely. She has a lot of friends. Oh and the fact that she is bi, secretly. As we delve further into the book, her layers peel off. She is in love with a girl who is dating her best friend who happens to...

The book, written by Nikita Singh, released on 14th February, was supposed to be this year's love story. *Summary* Siddhant meets Akriti during their medical residency in Delhi. Their connection is instant, blossoming from the many similarities between them. So, when Akriti faces a devastating loss, she leans on Siddhant for support. In the heat of an emotional moment, the two decide that this must be love. But as Akriti's depression begins to take a stronger hold over her, she spirals out of control, sinking deeper into an abyss of fear, insecurity and rage. And while Siddhant struggles to help her, it seems like everything he does is only making things worse. Meanwhile, Siddhant's life gets further complicated when Maahi, his ex-girlfriend whom he never stopped loving, re-enters his life. __ I shall try to write an unbiased review here but I will be honest, it is hard. I won't rate the book because honestly, this is not one of my favourite genres wh...

'It's true what they say - it's not we who control money, it's the money that controls us. When there's only a little, it behaves meekly; when it grows, it becomes brash and has its way with us.' - in the blurb and also my favourite 2 lines from the book. *Blurb* From a cramped, ant-infested house to a spacious bungalow, a family finds itself making a transition in many ways. The narrator, a sensitive young man, is numbed by the swirl around him. All he can do is flee every day to an old-world cafe, where he seeks solace from an oracular waiter. As members of the family realign their equations and desires, new strands are knotted, others come apart, and conflict brews dangerously in the background. Masterfully translated from the Kannada by Srinath Perur, Ghachar Ghochar is a suspenseful, playful and ultimately menacing story about the shifting consequences of success. This book was originally written in Kannada by Vivek Shanbagh and it has ...

A typical story of an Indian girl post-college, almost a decade ago. Let me first talk about the book and then my take on the story and the setting. Despite my unusual disdain towards Indian authors, I fell in love with this book, will tell you the why later. Summary: Naina is back from America, after four years of living on her own. A natural rebel, she has had some fairly life-altering experiences which Mum and Dad would not approve of at all if they get to know. But will her spirit and her stand be enough to fight the forces of parental pressure and heckling aunties baying for her nuptials? Back in the bosom of her conservative family, Naina cannot even begin to imagine the turn her life is going to take. It's wedding season, and she must now be married. Because every self-respecting upper-middle-class family in India do that, right? Marriage at the 'right age' to the 'right family'.whether she likes it or not. Naina's worst nightmares are about to ...

Everyone has issues, some people more so than others. This is the story of a woman who doesn’t know the unspoken rules. She has this world, inside her head and she has happily existed there for most of her life. Should she change? Why should she change? — Meet Eleanor Oliphant. She struggles with appropriate social skills and tends to say exactly what she’s thinking. Nothing is missing in her carefully time-tabled life of avoiding social interactions, where weekends are punctuated by frozen pizza, vodka, and phone chats with Mummy. Then everything changes when Eleanor meets Raymond, the bumbling and deeply unhygienic IT guy from her office. When she and Raymond together save Sammy, an elderly gentleman who has fallen on the sidewalk, the three become the kinds of friends who rescue one another from the lives of isolation they have each been living — and it is Raymond’s big heart that will ultimately help Eleanor find the way to repair her own profoundly damaged one. — ...

Maybe hearts don't ever stop breaking once broken. ― Patrick Ness , Release Seldom in your life will you come across a book that makes you feel something, after the longest time I finally connected and felt. Patrick Ness is a beautiful writer, his words have the power to make you ponder for the longest time. A summary of the book - Inspired by Mrs Dalloway and Judy Blume's Forever, Release is one day in the life of Adam Thorn, 17. It's a big day. Things go wrong. It's intense, and all the while, weirdness approaches... Adam Thorn is having what will turn out to be the most unsettling, difficult day of his life, with relationships fracturing, a harrowing incident at work, and a showdown between this gay teen and his preacher father that changes everything. It's a day of confrontation, running, sex, love, heartbreak, and maybe, just maybe, hope. He won't come out of it unchanged. And all the while, lurking at the edges of the story, something extraor...

Sometimes you read a book and your heart soars, other times you leave it mid way because honestly you cannot waste your time anymore. Now I am writing my very personal opinion here, if you disagree or have any thoughts about the book, let me know in the comments below. I loved the title and sometimes I do pick up the book purely on the basis of just that. This one hinted at greatness, but the greatness ended at the cover. The result was a mediocre fiction with an absurd plot. When you talk of religion and try to unrelate it to the world, the final product falls flat on its face. What seemed even funnier to me was the genre - satire. Maybe I am wrong but I failed to spot the satire in the book. The summary for your reference - 2050, New York. In the aftermath of a gruelling spiritual cleansing quest, Ismael, a Pakistani-American student, enters into an alliance with spiritual beings who send him on a perilous journey of self-discovery. A non-believer, Ismael must return to ...

“We believe the one who has power. He is the one who gets to write the story. So when you study history you must ask yourself, Whose story am I missing?, Whose voice was suppressed so that this voice could come forth? Once you have figured that out, you must find that story too. From there you get a clearer, yet still imperfect, picture.” These lines strike a chord, don’t they. This is the story penned down by Yaa Gyasi that spans 8 generations, showing different times and places while highlighting the true suffering of people. This is not a pitiful tale on the plight of Africans but a series of short stories highlighting how a few decisions triggered a chain of events that affected millions of lives. Brief  : Two half sisters, Effia and Esi, are born into different villages in eighteenth-century Ghana. Effia is married off to an Englishman and lives in comfort in the palatial rooms of Cape Coast Castle. Unbeknownst to Effia, her sister, Esi, is imprisoned beneath her in...

"Why do they call you Baaz?  It means falcon, he replies solemnly. Or bird of prey. Because I swoop down on the enemy planes just like a Baaz would. Then he grins. The grey eyes sparkle. It s also short for bastard." There is a reason why every Indian reader is in love with Anuja Chauhan, she makes reading fun! A quirky, sweet love story, set in the 1971 war which explores the two sides of patriotism - the soldier falls for a martyr's sister. A slow, steady build-up with Chauhan's usual desi charm and hilarious side characters that make Baaz a light-hearted read set in an otherwise serious backdrop. I am a huge fan and to quote Mint "The only Indian writer of commercial fiction really worth buying." But cut to Baaz, she went way out of her comfort zone and it resulted in a book that I wouldn't cherish or recommend. Don't get me wrong, I loved the story, it is the way it was told that didn't click. When I buy a book in English, I...

On a scale of common cold to tuberculosis, just how sick are you? Let me enlighten you - If you are in love, well, there is no antidote, no medicine and definitely no cure. I mean this sickness is not even on the list. It far surpasses any disease to ever hit mankind. You know how I know it, BECAUSE I NEVER GOT IT. This world, unfortunately, is full of young, vacuous people whose only job in life is to get love sick every few months and then ruin the lives of all those around them by talking of nothing else but the impending doom. Since we are not getting the wedding cards anytime soon or EVER and you are not going to be responsible for increasing the world population further, how about we just put an end to the non-stop whining and whispering and wallowing and just never talk about it. Now, don't get me wrong. If this were my best friend, I would love to and insist upon knowing about each and every single relationship of hers. But if the said BFF fell in and out of ...

There is something about books without a happy ending that I cannot accept. I refuse to believe that beyond the journey of a thousand pages lies misery and loneliness. You step into the characters shoes, live their lives with them only to have blistering, sore feet at the end. God, no! I reject this ending. Nothing could be worse than this hopelessness, when you know there is life left but no purpose for living. I believe that there is light at the end, people meant to be, will be together one day. At the end of all the struggles, there has to be happiness because if there isn't then what are we fighting for? Give me any ending, but give me an ending. I need that closure from a book. I started "Gone With The Wind" this week and 50 pages in, I was hooked. There was something about Scarlett O'Hara that was so simple yet so dumb and then she grows on to become a fighting force, someone to be feared and admired (in these times), all this time being in love with the...

Here I am, sitting with my lappy, sipping on cold coffee and typing away. I would like to think I am just like anybody else but with all that goes around in my life, I have learnt to be prepared for the worst. Murphy's Law is basically me. Yesterday, I had an interview at a University. Like all hardworking students, I left everything for the last day. Scrambling to put my portfolio together, I paid no heed to my clothes. It's not like I had to put a lot of effort into my attire anyway. Interview requires formals and since I have just one pair of formal clothes, the indecision goes right out of the window. To give some context on why a working professional does not own a lot of formals is because my company (one of the kindergarden companies, also known as startups) does not require formals. Our dress code is casual. They are lucky I don't go to office in sweatpants. Now that would be casual! I own one pair of black pants, one shirt and one formal coat. Sorted? Not so ...